Well, that's it folks.

I apologize for what is about to be a somewhat rambly post.

My first semester of college is officially over.  It really feels as if it took only a blink of an eye. But at the same time, it felt as if I had been there forever.

I'm home now. I've been home for about a week. I've seen people I hadn't seen in forever. I've seen people from school. It seems as if there are two lives that all college students live. The lives at school and the lives they live when they get back home. It's not necessarily a bad thing. It just makes it hard to explain about one life to those living the other with you. Actually, it's not just hard, it's darn near impossible. Which is frustrating when I love so many people at home and at school. But at the same time, it's kind of convenient to be able to love the school and home people differently. They are all part of my life, but different chapters in a book that is still being written.

And on that note, I would like to change part of the chapter about to be written for next semester by listing some school new year's resolutions:

-Sleep. A lot more than last semester.
-No fun is allowed until most of the school work is completed.
-Pray...a lot more.
-Start becoming a responsible adult that I will actually have to be in 3 years... (Oh gosh, don't remind me...)

ANYWAYS I really enjoy being the old kid coming home from college...and somehow, my friends and I still manage to act like middle schoolers. What can I say? College kids aren't as mature as everyone thinks. ;) But we're getting there! Hopefully.
Blessings,
Paula(:

Vivere L'amore

Vivere L’amore.

 These words are written on the inside of my forearm at the moment…in pen.  That’s as close as I’ll ever get to a real tattoo. But even though I would never allow myself to ink it permanently on the outside, I’m working on allowing it to be permanently etched on my heart. “Live love” Not just, “Live and love” But live love, make it one and the same action. Make love your whole freaking being. I’m not trying to be just your little old hippy hipster living down the street right now. I just…wish I could live up to God’s call for my life, and I have to constantly remind myself because I always fall short.

Everything we are was meant to be given to God and to others. Our joy should come from serving, and opening our hearts to help take the pain away from the suffering. We all think our lives are so horrible and God is awful, and hiding His face from us. But maybe the reason we don’t feel God’s presence when we suffer is because we are so wrapped up in ourselves that our souls have no room to allow God in.

 I know that sounds cold. I know people who suffered more than I have in my life might scoff. But in the midst of suffering, if we can look outside ourselves and offer everything we have to others who are hurting, there will be no time to focus on our hurting. The only thing we will feel is joy because we know we are helping those in desperate need. We are loving; We will be living love.

Blessings,

Vivere l’amore,

~Paula(:

Attitude is everything.

How often have we all heard that? Attitude is everything. What does that even mean?
So if I change my attitude,  I'll get an A on that Calc quiz I didn't study for? Or you'll get over that person you want to get over?

No, attitude doesn't change your situation. We all know that. What it changes is how we react to our situation. It changes how we treat the people around us. I feel like I'm the pot calling the kettle black right now though. I'm going to admit, right here on the interweb, that I am a freakin' prideful person. I never want to change my attitude about anything. If I have a test the next morning, well I'm going to fail, don't try to convince me otherwise.

Prideful and stubborn? I better get me to a nunnery. :P

But in all seriousness, God works with the nasty attitudes wonderfully. He really does. He doesn't want you to be in that frame of mind, but when you are, he molds it so that you realize how absolutely ridiculous you're being.

I'll give you a personal example of this: Today I had a Biology test, Latin quiz, and a Calculus quiz. Negative attitudes abounded last night as I attempted to study. Worries about failing out of school, and thoughts about not wanting the new day to come were very much present.

But guess what?  Today came. And.....I lived through it. Regardless of the grades I got. And now I'm at peace. I just have to learn to have that peace perpetually, instead of after a panic attack over the little things.

But hey, it's college. It's all about the lessons. So in conclusion: keep calm and carry on. ;)

Life.

It's complicated, it's dramatic, it's annoying, it's amazing, it's crazy.
Why do we put up with all of it?
Because nothing is quite so wonderful.
Even with all the pain and the hurting and the frustration, it's a beautiful thing just to be alive.

Make sure you don't live it in the "yolo" way though. Don't do idiotic things because you only live once. That makes absolutely no sense. Instead, do beautiful things, do genius things, do creative things, do silly things, do things for other people and forget about yourself. Make the most of everything you have because God gave us every second of every day. It's all a gift: not just the interesting moments, or the deep moments, or the super exciting moments. God is in the small daily tasks, the smile you get from a stranger, and the painful moment when you realize you have to stay up til 3am to finish a biology lab report.

Stop worrying about the boring days. Stop worrying about the grades. Stop worrying about stupid boys. Just trust that God gave you life on this beautiful planet for a reason. He wants you to find the truth in every moment, and live it for Him for always. <3

Fairy Tales

"Once upon a time..."

These words are almost as dangerous to the older female sect as they are fascinating to the younger.

When you're three, the words excite you.  You know that a story is a about to begin, and adventures are about to be revealed. You'll learn about pretty princesses in desperate situations, scary dragons to be slayed, and charming knights. These words open up a world of fantasy in your heart that lasts until the day you die. But once the age of pure imagination passes, and reality sets back in during the late teen years, all we learn to do is one of two extremes regarding fairy tales:

On the one hand, we all know those girls (and admit that we've been there too) who obsess over the "once upon a times" and "happily ever afters" that could happen in real life. It's not just a healthy wish for a happy ending, it's an all encompassing obsession that could lead to unhappiness later on down the road. It's a dream for a prince that is perfect. It's a hope for a life without any problems. It's an unrealistic set of expectations that will only bring misery.

On the other hand, there are the bitter girls who refuse to allow any sort of romantic dream seep into their lives. They think wishing for butterflies is a low only certain desperate girls could wish for. They think that if they even harbor just one though of wanting their lives to be anything like a fairy tale, then they're doomed to be trapped in a tower with an evil witch who won't ever let them out. (Figuratively of course.)

Both can be harmful. Both should be avoided. Let the fairy tales themselves be the guide. Don't make the mistake that God will send you a "perfect person" to be with. People are broken. Even the princes and knights have their issues in those fairy tales. They make mistakes. Don't ever think that life can't have magical moments in it either though. It's ok to hope for butterflies, and it's ok to hope for a "happily ever after". Just know that because this life is so darn crazy, that happily ever after probably won't come til we're standing with Jesus face to face. But that's ok too. We're going to have the dragons in this life to slay, but that charming prince? Yeah, there's just a possibility that he'll be standing there next to us helping us slay it. And that's the way real life fairy tales should work. You both working together to reach the goal. <3

Blessings,
~Paula(:

Happiness

                    It occurred to me this morning, after waking up on the wrong side of the bed, that I was not happy in the slightest.
                 
                   I'm a newly appointed member in the club of college freshman, and it has been one of the most up and down months of my entire life. I thought my moods could already change at the drop of the hat, being the emotional 18 year old girl that I am. But oh my word, I definitely had never experienced real mood swings til I stepped foot on this campus. I was absolutely ecstatic when I first got here. I was free. I was meeting kind people. I had new adventures to go on, and time to really learn how I deal with new things.  After the first crazy week of orientation though, school started. I had almost forgot college involved school. Tedious, grueling school. I'm not sure how it is at some colleges, but at mine, the workload has not let up for a second. It really set me off last week. Meltdowns were occurring left and right (for others too, not just me).  This week however, I had sort of acquired an apathetic nature toward the whole ordeal. Towards new friends, towards new interests (romantic, extracurricular, and whatever else goes on in the lives of freshies), and toward the Bs I've been getting (for a girl who's never gotten a B in a class in her life, getting Bs on all of the first few assignments has been a huge smack in the face, but I'm working on letting it be in the past.)

                       This morning when I woke though, I was a huge mess. I was grumpy. I was exhausted, and I was overwhelmed with the fact that my friendships, my grades, my crushes, my hopes, my dreams, all seemed to still be mysteries to me and I was left feeling helpless and frustrated. So all day I clammed up, not letting other people in, and certainly not listening to what other people needed. Finally my friend asked if I was alright, and I admitted that I wasn't. We were in the middle of the cafeteria though so when she asked what was wrong, I didn't feel like answering. I'm not even sure I could articulate what was wrong, because what was wrong was...well, everything.
                   Or at least, that was the thought I let myself employ in my head. But I got back to my dorm, started listening to music, worked on some school so I didn't have to feel totally unproductive, and drank coffee. Suddenly my eyes were opened. (It was either the Holy Spirit or the coffee, I'll let you be the judge.) Well, as open as they can be this side of Heaven. I've allowed the circumstances around me to dictate my mood. I've allowed them to creep into the depths of my heart and control me, instead of the other way around. I have become a slave to my situations and emotions. I haven't yet come to realize that boys who don't like me and a B on a quiz does not change the fact that I was made for a beautiful purpose. To love and be loved by God.
           This day I pray that God allows me to learn how to take the frustrating situations and annoyances of every day life, and deal with them in a healthy way. To acknowledge my weaknesses, but not indulge in them and throw a pity party. I pray that I not ignore the needs of others around me just because I feel like my world is crashing down around me. Because that is never true. Never, ever, ever. My world cannot crash down around me because Jesus is standing next to me holding it up, and holding me up too.

Happiness is found when we look towards the maker of it. So next time I wake up on the wrong side of the bed, I'll kneel on the other side and pray for the strength to find the constant joy we are all called to find.*

Sleep

      It’s 1am and I probably should have gone to sleep hours ago. I don’t really care though. I like staying up late; it makes it seem as if I have all the time I could ever ask for. The tired feeling behind my eyes will come soon enough, and I’ll turn off the bright computer screen. My head will hit the pillow and then I’ll wake up and daylight will shine through my windows. In the blink of an eye, my time will have gone by faster than a comet soaring through space.

      When I have my freshman year of college starting in 16 days, it  makes me bitter that we must waste so much time that we’re given in a perfectly useless unconsciousness. We’re not given an option mind you; we must. We need sleep, or we die. It almost seems as if God woke up on the wrong side of the bed one morning before he created the universe and thought about all the ways He could spite the pre-college student desperately seeking more time.  Numero uno on that list: Cut the time they have left with everyone and everything they know in half because their bodies require that they drool on a pillow and turn off their brain for 9 hours.

      Of course I realize if God really wanted to spite us He would have had lots more interesting options than making us sleep. And I am also aware that God does not want to spite us.  But it leaves me wondering, why on earth did He give us sleep? I guess it is a type of escape we get to enjoy if things are going wrong. But with my moving day looming closer and closer, I really just want that time back. But God knows what He’s about, so I’ll trust Him to give me enough time to do everything I need to do in the time that I have left, regardless of how much shut-eye I get.

And now I feel that feeling behind my eyes.

Perhaps one reason God made sleep was to keep my worries at bay, to give them a rest.

Thanks God for little things.

   
 Sleep well and trust in Him.

      Pax,

      ~Paula(:

P.S. I really do love sleep, don’t get me wrong. I just love time even more right now.

Countdown until leaving day: 12

Countdown until orientation: 16

Hey there. :)
 Just letting the world know that this here blog will be a very eclectic conglomeration of talking about things like my love for musical theater and music in general, my  new adventures at college, my crazy but awesome family and friends, and my roller coaster faith life...and pretty much a million things in between.  Hopefully you all enjoy the random ramblings that spurt out of this brain and are just dying to get written. <3
Love&Blessings
~Paula