There are people everywhere, in every state of life, with as many different stories and problems as snowflakes in a snowstorm.  But there is something that the human in all of us shares in…suffering. Pain is no stranger to a college student with a broken heart, a husband in a nursing home with a sick wife, a little girl who won’t sleep because she lost her teddy bear, and all stories in between. It’s funny though. We make comparisons about our suffering. We look at others and we wonder how well their lives are really going. We get nosy. When we see that their suffering is worse than ours, we feel relieved that we don’t have it as bad as it could possibly be. When we see someone that is suffering less (in our eyes) than us, we get frustrated. Why does God give ME this cross and let them have a burden which is so much lighter?

If you ever feel this way, stop.

Stop.

Stop.

Please.

We do not know the extent of the pain someone is feeling. We will never understand that. Only God knows how hard someone’s journey is. We only know ourselves.  We do not know what they do not reveal. Even if someone does reveal their most intimate sufferings to you, you still will never experience the pain that rests in their heart.  We should share in their pain and try to love them as best as we can. Regardless of if their problems seem bigger or smaller than our own. The pain turns into hope when we rest all the suffering at the foot of the Cross. Jesus is calling you to lay all of your hurt, pain, brokenness, and suffering down at His feet. And then He calls you to help your brothers and sisters in Him do the same.  Keep calm and love on.

“Cast all your cares on Him because He cares for you.” 1 Peter  5:7

“Courage, dear heart.” C.S. Lewis

Blessings,

~Paula

Sanctity

This blog post is really going to be preaching at myself. Because I need a lecture. Desperately.

So bear with me.

 St. Joan of Arc won battles, Bl. Mother Teresa helped the poorest of the poor, St. Thomas Aquinas wrote beautiful theological texts.... what do all of these have in common?  They are examples of awe inspiring saints and the actions that the grace of God allowed them to perform. 

What else do they have in common? They get overlooked as flukes by the rest of the world. As if it was all just one big accident that these feats were accomplished. It is so very easy to distance ourselves from the saints. We look at what they did and we think we can never be where they are. They are beautiful examples of what God can do in our lives, but sometimes it's just too scary to handle. 

I wanted to talk about another type of saint though. The type of saint that found Christ in the little things. A saint that learned that being a saint was  something that all are called to.  A saint that knew that being called to be a saint is the same thing as being called to be entwined with love itself. St. Thérèse of Lisieux. (I'm sure all of the saints that I mentioned above, and all saint in general know all these things... but St.  Thérèse  by her life and writings, explains this in a very simple and beautiful way that I'm learning to love) 

I've been learning more about her recently and she is so very precious. It is still a temptation to look at her life and dismiss it as an accident of one sweet child who happened to stumble upon sanctity. But ignoring that temptation,  it is very encouraging to look at her little way of loving  and to learn that little things bring about great things too. Sanctity isn't just for the people who accomplish world changing things for God's plan. It is also for those who trust Him and love Him in everything.  Even things like choosing a smile instead of a harsh word towards someone that annoys us.

And you can do that. You can love Him in everything. And I can do that. We all can do it. I promise. It scares the heck out of me, but  God sends His grace when we call upon Him--It's not us. It's NOT us. It's Him. 

Whether we are called to change the world one Summa written or one hug given at a time, He sends the grace we need. 

YOU. YEA YOU. Are called to be saint. YEA YOU ARE. And you know what? That's not some vague, maybe, sort-of calling.  And it's NOT some terrible, rule-filled for the sake of rules, unhappy, mess of a path. It's simply a  deep, loud, crazy, beautiful message written on your heart. Because becoming a saint is learning to let God love you. Rest in His love. Breathe in His love. And understand that He wants you to rest in Him forever. So change your hearts and minds towards Him.

"Cast all your cares on Him, because He cares for you." 1 Peter 5:7

"I must become a saint, my Jesus expects it." ~St. Bernadette

Peace,

Paula

Roma

                 I had a brilliant plan to blog every week that I was in Europe. Thaaaaat didn't work out so well. (I'm currently blogging from a Panera in home-sweet-home Maryland.)  So, my next best plan is to write out something akin to a summary of the semester post. I'm not really sure  that's completely possible... But there were so many beautiful things that happened and so many blessings poured out that I'm going to at least attempt to share about them.  God's love was in the ups, downs, middles, everythings, and simple nothings of this semester. I hope I get across in this even the slightest glimpse of what this semester meant to me and I hope it brings joy to those reading along.

Rome is like every city you've ever been to and nothing like every city you've ever been to...all at the same time. You've got your graffiti, you've got your smoggy air, your smelly buses, and your camera vetted tourists. But you've also got sisters and priests appearing around every street corner, getting to watch the amusing antics of 50 purse vendors running away from cops every other day, people playing accordions on the subway, and coffee taking the place of water in any Italian's diet(---so therefore, your little studying abroad self's diet). It took me probably til I was about to leave to really say I was comfortable with the city and comfortable finding my way around. (Although it only took me a few days to get annoyed by the ACTUAL tourists... ..something I was never...cause please, I belonged in my Roma from day one) That's how life works I suppose.  It was amazing to be walking and then all of a sudden come across the Pantheon...or the Colosseum. And the amount of stunningly beautiful churches in Rome is absolutely mind blowing.
Now...Pasta is everywhere. Gelato is everywhere. And coffee is everywhere. I'm ok with all of those things though, so it was all good. Oh, and Romans love their dogs. I didn't see that many families, I guess just the nature of living in a city. But there were many...many dogs. There were tiny smart cars everywhere, umbrella vendors appearing out of nowhere when it started to rain, and pictures of Mary on many of the apartment buildings. Oh and there was St. Peter's 5 minutes away from where we lived. Rome is a city with a life and mind of its own.

So that was the city life. (And I talked a bit more about that in my first post I posted-- that was supposed to be one of many--- if you want to go back and read it :p) But besides the city itself, it was really the people that God sent this semester that made this trip the biggest blessing....Firstly, I'd like to send a big shout and thank you to Father Scott and Deacon Taylor and Josh!  They came every week so we could have a holy hour (and confessions from Father) and they brought so much joy and peace to our group...I'm so grateful for all they did for us this semester and for all the laughter they brought every time they were with us.  I'd also like to talk about our super fantastically amazing RD for a second now... Miss Corinne. She is one of the most loveable and giving people I have ever met. I am so grateful for all that she did for our whole group. Between planning our smaller pilgrimages and trip to Poland, she still found time to help us with little things and make us all fall on the floor laughing with her crazy and silly self all at the same time. (Example: the day we all pretended we could actually legitimately African dance ... inspired by Corinne. Hopefully...uhhh...  that video never goes anywhere). Annddd I can't talk about inspiring people without including our RAs: Miss Erin and Mr. Henry.  I'm pretty sure those two both have a little ray of sunshine that they bring around with them everywhere. They would probablyyyy deny that. Ya know, cause they've got their problems: Erin's meanness which I've explained to her is similar to butterflies hitting people, and Henry's sassiness on about the same level of meanness. Butttt on a serious note, they shouldn't deny the joy they brought to all of us... They shouldn't because it's true. These two self-sacrificing people showed our group what it means to really be joyful followers of Christ. (We were the founders of the Happy Bear club... tis a grand club... you should ask me about it sometime. Or just come up and shout "Happy Bear!" as loudly as possible when you see me. Either is acceptable) Annnnddd I'm super de duper uber grateful that they stated getting us all to pray the Liturgy of the Hours with them recently...some favorite memories and Jesus time right there that will hopefully continue... (yes,yes I am a holy roller who asked for a breviary for her birthday because of those two...shhhh don't tell anyone)

All the kids of the program were blessings too. I want to send a huge thank you for the silliness, caring, love and friendship that all the students in the program this semester showed me and everyone else. There were SO many little things that brought such joy to my heart over the last 3 months thanks to all of them.  Some of my absolute favorite memories were from the impromptu jam sessions and dances we had in our tiny little common room at the residence, VIP wine&pizza nights with guest speakers, playing the cup game wayyyy too many times after dinner, and taking random trips to gelaterias or the 30cent pastry shop... Oh, and bar beato. Can't forget bar beato. Corinne, and some of the other girls in the program would make coffee in our common room and we'd pay a few cents and the money would go to a pregnancy center. Speaking of loved shown, the sweetest little old Italian man, who runs a cafe right by the residence we lived at, would donate pastries for free so we could use them to make money for bar beato. So kind.

There were SO many other people who came into mine and everyone else's lives just briefly for the semester who  were amazing blessings. There was the bus drive in Pollone who let about 10 of us ride for free. There was the Missionaries of Charity ,who some of us got to work with a few times over the semester, who showed us what real love was. There were the men at the Missionaries of Charity houses who also showed us just as much  and more love as we thought we were going to show them. (I remember some of them saying over and over again to us as we left one night: "God bless you!!!") There was the Italian lady who worked at the bread shop down the street from our residence who said she had never managed to get to St. Peter's in her whole time there. (St. Peter's was down the street from us). I'm not really sure why she hadn't gotten to go, probably just from too much work. But her working there didn't keep her from being overly generous. She, on more than one occasion, threw in lots of free stuff for our group when we bought dinner there. There was Claire who by an act of God's providence I got to meet.  She was a consecrated virgin, who was one of the kindest and realest people I have ever met.  There was the Assaf family (Mr. Assaf is the head of the program), who showed us huge amounts of love and generosity in many different ways.There were the host families we stayed with when we went to Poland, who fed us and housed us. There was our tour guide when we went to Auschwitz who wanted to make sure we understood how grateful we need to be for our lives. There were two beautiful students in Prague who showed us around Prague and helped us get housing when we were there for two nights.  There were the many many people who worked at all the gelato shops I went to that put up with me asking them to pick flavors for me.  There was SO much love shown throughout the whole semester that I can't even really fathom it.

Our trip to Poland was probably one of the highlights of the whole semester. We went to Warsaw, Krakow, Czestochowa, the city JP 2 is from, Auschwitz, the city Maximilian Kolbe lived in, and saw so many other amazing things too. While Roma will always have a special place in my heart, Poland is a place I want to go back and live forever....No exaggeration.  The people had so much faith. At one point we went to stations of the cross that were walking stations, I think in Warsaw. We went to the most amazing Palm Sunday procession I've ever seen  in Krakow(there was Polish music and fire dancing... enough said) and then mass afterwards at a beautiful basilica. It was one of the most touching things I've ever experienced. You really could feel the people on fire for their faith in that city and really everywhere in the country. We also got to visit the Divine Mercy shrine and learn more about St. Faustina. One of the sisters there gave a little talk to us. She was pretty amazing. She talked about how St. Faustina fell in love with Jesus.
We went to mass at a church Maximilian Kolbe and some other men had built in another city. There was an amazing priest ever there who said mass for us. He spoke of how Jesus had really appeared to him once and he spoke of his encounter with Him. He spoke of how we need love in our lives desperately. He reminded us of what St. Paul said about how if we don't have love we are nothing. Love is the only language that we need. We had the opportunity to visit Auschwitz. It was one of the most eye-opening and saddening things that I have ever seen. Our tour guide made sure that we understood that we must never let those people go forgotten. They had dignity and we must always remember them. We go to see the cell of St. Maximilian Kolbe where he died after he took the place of another man in the starvation cell. That is what true love really means. That was beautiful to see that light in the darkness.
We also ended up getting to spend a day in the Czech Republic, on our way home from Poland. There were so many people there who showered kindness on us too. People made sure we had a place to stay and showed us around to special places in Prague. We met the most amazing people on that trip that I don't think I will ever forget.

Then we came back to Rome and amazing things were about to happen. I have to tell you about Easter and the Canonization. Easter was beautiful.I got to go to the Easter vigil inside St. Peter's and then the mass outside St. Peter's on Easter day. What a huge gift that was. And it was so amazing to get to see Papa Francesco so many times! Easter day we all had an amazing time at the villa where the program has had their campus in the past. It's a little outside the city. It's a good thing that it wasn't where we stayed this semester though, or I would never have gone into the city. That campus was stunning.  There were trees and flowers and an open field. It was lovely. It was the first Easter I've ever been without my family, but it was a filled with friends, laughter and happiness.

Annnnnddd goodness gracious. The canonization was absolutely insane. It was the week after Easter. Our group by the grace of God, was in the right place at the right time. We had been wandering around the millions of people squished everywhere in the city the night before the canonization, trying to figure out where to camp out.Anddd at around 11:30 we were standing right by where the crowd started moving towards St. Peter's. We followed the crowd and then got swept in. We were squished into standing room only for about 8 hours. Most of us took turns sitting. We napped, we prayed, we sang, we laughed, we took 5 minute power naps, we got grumpy,  we went a little crazy at points. The crowd would move a few feet every hour or so. It was quite the strange sensation to move only because a million other people are moving around you. At around 7am though, by Mama Mary's intercession and the grace of God we got pushed right into St. Peter's square. We were right next to people who had been in line since 2pm the day before and 9pm...when we had only accidentally stumbled into line on that street at 11:30pm....wow... God is good. Then the canonization mass was beautiful...the sun came out for part of it. JP2 and John 23rd wanted to make sure there was at least a little sunshine. :) There was such joy when Pope Francis named them official saints! The priests came out to distribute communion with yellow colored umbrellas and they all marched down the square all in a row. It was a beautiful sight, especially since we were farther back in the square and I wasn't sure we were going to get communion. It was so special that we did get to receive communion though! Not going to lie though, I think I fell asleep during part of the readings... only for a second or two though. ;)  Also... sleep is a beautiful thing. I don't think I've ever been more grateful for sleep than the night of the canonization. (Fell asleep at 5pm on Sunday... woke up at 6:15am on Monday...like a pro.)

The last few days were kind of a blur. Went on a few adventures. Met up with some Domincan sisters on one little side trip. Got to visit Nettuno, where St. Maria Goretti is from one of the last days. Walked around the city by myself on my very last day. Said goodbye to everyone who was left whilst eating gelato.
Annnnddd then said  my goodbyes to Roma.

I feel like I've just woken up from a dream, ever since I've been home. It was one of the most amazing trips I've ever had. It was definitely hard at some points, don't get me wrong.. But it was all such a blessing..every single second of it. I cannot believe I got to see and experience everything that I did. It's crazy. Absolutely crazy. But a good crazy. :) This little summary can't really begin to cover the 3 months...but I hope I was able to share at least partly the blessing that this semester was. Thank you Jesus for all that you have shown us all this semester. Annddd I will now leave you with a quote from one of the books we read this semester (....or rather, were supposed to have read) that I think summarizes the feeling of all who get to enjoy the beauty and peace of Roma.
 "And joy pervades her quiet heart." ~from the Aeneid.

If you stuck with me this whole time... I thank you :)
Ciao!
Blessings,
~Paula

Welcome to Roma! ---The start of an adventure.

I've been in Roma, Italy for one week today.

It feels like 10 years have passed. 

I had never really been attached to a place before. I've loved places because of the people or things there, not for the sake of loving the place itself.  I can honestly say though, all cheesiness aside, I am in love with this city already.. I didn't think I was a city girl...I still don't think I am one. But there's something different about Roma that makes it feel like home more than any other city I've ever been to. 

Someone told me before I came, that Rome was a little on the grungy side for a European city. But that's pretty typical of cities...and yes, Rome has it's graffiti and cigarette filled streets, but there's a strange beauty in it. A beauty that other cities don't possess. Maybe it's just me being a wide eyed American saying this, but I really feel like this is such a special place. I'm sitting here on facebook on the same land that soldiers, saints and martyrs lived. The history is overwhelming and the Catholicism is at the center. As much as I love St. Patrick's in NYC, you find an equivalent church on every street corner here in Italia. I'm certain that is why this place feels so much like home. Because this city, at it's heart, has Christ residing.

 And as much as I've always claimed to dislike history, you can't ignore the complete and utter amazingness   of the history of this place. It just leaps out at you everywhere you go. We were all doing a typical 21st century activity (walking to a bar--ha)  and someone pointed out that we were passing the spot where Julius Caesar got stabbed.  So crazy.

I won't go into detail about all the things I've seen so far (if you want more details, you can always ask me more--I've been writing pretty much every single detail down...but I figured that wouldn't make for a very interesting blog post)  But I will talk about a few things I've seen...

First, St. Peter's....is absolutely gorgeous. St. Peter's is about a 5 minutes walk from where we're staying. I cannot believe that there are people here that have grown up next to that and it's nothing special to them anymore. Some of us had joked about grabbing little Italian children and telling them how absolutely lucky they are to grow up here. Probablyyy not the best idea... but seriously, that's how we feel!

The basilica is enormous. I haven't explored it all yet; I've only been in inside once so far.  But the ceiling reaches so high. There are beautiful pieces of art inside. (The pieta, for one) And there are mini chapels everywhere throughout. We went inside at 7am on Thursday...and this is the time before many people come..so it was fairly empty. And there are priests saying mass at almost every chapel. You can hear the different languages as you walk by and it is just an amazing representation of the universality of the Church. 

Another thing I want to talk about is just the Roman streets and people themselves. I've explored a little on my own the past few days (for any parentals of mine that happen to be reading this---don't worry, during the day :p) The colors of the buildings themselves put me in such a joyful mood. There are yellows and beiges and oranges and most of the buildings jut out towards the streets giving everything a more village-like feel. There are dainty restaurants, shops filled with beautiful things, cheap souvenir shops, and street vendors everywhere you turn. I'm still working on figuring out how you can just tell who's an Italian and who's a tourist...but somehow, you just kind of know. The  Italian women always seem to be put together and I don't mean this in a negative way, but they have a colder look usually. And the men...well... no offense to American men, dress a heck of a lot better over here.  It's a little embarrassing how easy it is for them to pick out Americans too though. You'll walk by a vendor without having let your American secret out by speaking English, and they'll still start talking to you in English anyway...Although, someone did think I was Italian last week and was really surprised when I told them I was American. Highlight right there.

Oh, and I've had some school too already here. Can't forget about that part. ;) We're taking an art/architecture class, humanities, poetics, and theology. It's all going to tie right back into this whole Rome experience and I'm really excited about them! (Although homework is slightly a depressing prospect)

A few more things I've noticed: 

---Personal space? Not really a thing here. You'll be walking on the sidewalk and where in America, people will walk a good few feet to avoid the person walking next to them, here everyone moves about a centimeter away.  

---If a car's coming and you want to cross the street... If you're legit Roman.. you start walking anyway. Haven't quite gotten to that level of legitimacy yet. (This is more of a city thing than a Rome thing, but they're even more aggressive about it than I've seen at other places) 

---If it's raining, there will be an umbrella vendor every 2 feet--- so have no fear! 

---I know you can't buy happiness... but you can buy gelato and cappuccinos.. close enough. 

Anyway, as you can see... a lot can happen in a week. In the words of the director of our study abroad program: Rome...will change you, but it is up to you to decide if it is for the better or for the worse. Heavy words to remember. 

It's only been a week and I can already see my heart changing because of this place. I'll be praying that my growth is towards the good. If you've read this much with me, I thank you . :) Let me know if you have any prayer requests and please keep me in all of your prayers too! 

Ciao,

~Paula(: