There are people everywhere, in every state of life, with as many different stories and problems as snowflakes in a snowstorm.  But there is something that the human in all of us shares in…suffering. Pain is no stranger to a college student with a broken heart, a husband in a nursing home with a sick wife, a little girl who won’t sleep because she lost her teddy bear, and all stories in between. It’s funny though. We make comparisons about our suffering. We look at others and we wonder how well their lives are really going. We get nosy. When we see that their suffering is worse than ours, we feel relieved that we don’t have it as bad as it could possibly be. When we see someone that is suffering less (in our eyes) than us, we get frustrated. Why does God give ME this cross and let them have a burden which is so much lighter?

If you ever feel this way, stop.

Stop.

Stop.

Please.

We do not know the extent of the pain someone is feeling. We will never understand that. Only God knows how hard someone’s journey is. We only know ourselves.  We do not know what they do not reveal. Even if someone does reveal their most intimate sufferings to you, you still will never experience the pain that rests in their heart.  We should share in their pain and try to love them as best as we can. Regardless of if their problems seem bigger or smaller than our own. The pain turns into hope when we rest all the suffering at the foot of the Cross. Jesus is calling you to lay all of your hurt, pain, brokenness, and suffering down at His feet. And then He calls you to help your brothers and sisters in Him do the same.  Keep calm and love on.

“Cast all your cares on Him because He cares for you.” 1 Peter  5:7

“Courage, dear heart.” C.S. Lewis

Blessings,

~Paula

Sanctity

This blog post is really going to be preaching at myself. Because I need a lecture. Desperately.

So bear with me.

 St. Joan of Arc won battles, Bl. Mother Teresa helped the poorest of the poor, St. Thomas Aquinas wrote beautiful theological texts.... what do all of these have in common?  They are examples of awe inspiring saints and the actions that the grace of God allowed them to perform. 

What else do they have in common? They get overlooked as flukes by the rest of the world. As if it was all just one big accident that these feats were accomplished. It is so very easy to distance ourselves from the saints. We look at what they did and we think we can never be where they are. They are beautiful examples of what God can do in our lives, but sometimes it's just too scary to handle. 

I wanted to talk about another type of saint though. The type of saint that found Christ in the little things. A saint that learned that being a saint was  something that all are called to.  A saint that knew that being called to be a saint is the same thing as being called to be entwined with love itself. St. Thérèse of Lisieux. (I'm sure all of the saints that I mentioned above, and all saint in general know all these things... but St.  Thérèse  by her life and writings, explains this in a very simple and beautiful way that I'm learning to love) 

I've been learning more about her recently and she is so very precious. It is still a temptation to look at her life and dismiss it as an accident of one sweet child who happened to stumble upon sanctity. But ignoring that temptation,  it is very encouraging to look at her little way of loving  and to learn that little things bring about great things too. Sanctity isn't just for the people who accomplish world changing things for God's plan. It is also for those who trust Him and love Him in everything.  Even things like choosing a smile instead of a harsh word towards someone that annoys us.

And you can do that. You can love Him in everything. And I can do that. We all can do it. I promise. It scares the heck out of me, but  God sends His grace when we call upon Him--It's not us. It's NOT us. It's Him. 

Whether we are called to change the world one Summa written or one hug given at a time, He sends the grace we need. 

YOU. YEA YOU. Are called to be saint. YEA YOU ARE. And you know what? That's not some vague, maybe, sort-of calling.  And it's NOT some terrible, rule-filled for the sake of rules, unhappy, mess of a path. It's simply a  deep, loud, crazy, beautiful message written on your heart. Because becoming a saint is learning to let God love you. Rest in His love. Breathe in His love. And understand that He wants you to rest in Him forever. So change your hearts and minds towards Him.

"Cast all your cares on Him, because He cares for you." 1 Peter 5:7

"I must become a saint, my Jesus expects it." ~St. Bernadette

Peace,

Paula

Sparrow

Sparrow, fly out into the open

Sparrow, you have new life to find

Don’t hide your heart

The maker sees and knows

The world you wish to fly to

The hope that everything will rise

Sparrow, the blue skies call

Sparrow, the girl can see you

Fly higher just to show your beauty

The maker gave it to you

Don’t leave without a grateful thought

Sparrow, you don’t need to cry

There are things that break others

But you still fly on and better

Knowing the maker cares

Knowing the maker cares.

Keep Breathing

You know that thing that's really bothering you right now? That thing you can't get off your mind? That worry that won't leave your heart and mind alone? Let it go. Just let the thought go. Right now. Just for a second. And breathe. Breathe in...and out.  And pray:  "Lord, if I can let this go for that one second by my own actions, I know that with YOUR help, I can let it go completely."

Peace. Nobody really has much of it anymore. Why? Well, we allow the constant stream of everyday problems along with the mind boggling amount of meaningless social media to attack us every waking moment.  And we let ourselves seep in it. Enjoy it even . Someone has a problem? If we don't know them well, we might talk to other people about it, gossiping or just searching for answers. If we do know them well, we might not talk about it much...if you're a fellow introvert with the author, you might just let the worry sit in your mind and weigh you down. Or you might speak about it to other people, but then it's weighing them down along with you.

No one really tries to pray these days. No one really wants silence. Because both are scary.
If you pray, God might ask you change. If you sit in silence, you might figure out that answer about something that you've really been hoping to avoid.

Dwelling on problems and wallowing in that grief or anxiety is WAY easier than doing what God might be calling you to do to actually DEAL with that problem. Allowing distractions into your life also helps you miss what you're supposed to be seeing.
If it's a problem with another person, it's easier to grumble about it than to actually recognize that you're called to treat that person like Christ too. If you're trying to make a decision, you're not going to get an answer by mass texting your whole contact list. I promise. At the end of the day, you need silence to pray and prayer to hear.

It's so hard to remember but God really does have bigger and better things in store for us than we could ever imagine. He gives us the peace and hope we're craving, if we'll just ask.
So take some time out before this whole school years starts up...and turn off the phone, sign out of facebook, stop dwelling on your problems and hoping it will give you answers or consolement. Give it all up to God in the silence. Because His story for you is a beautiful one. But if you drown out the plot with constant chatter, worries, technology and noise, you'll miss the whole section of the plot that you're supposed to be in.

And yes this is a cheesy post, brought to you by the fact I am leaving for my sophomore year in 8 days and nostalgia about leaving has officially hit. ;)

He has a plan. Keep breathing, keep smiling, and keep praying.

Blessings,
~Paula

"Let me hear what God the Lord will speak, for he will speak peace to his people, to his saints, to those who turn to him in their hearts." -Psalm 85:8

"But all that I know is I'm breathing.
All I can do is keep breathing.All we can do is keep breathing now." 
~Ingrid Michaelson

People.

Wow... My first year at college has officially come and gone...And my, what a wild ride it has been. I don't really remember what exactly I expected from college... But I know it was everything and nothing like what I thought all at the same time. I laughed. I cried. I did smart things. I did some pretty dumb things. I learned. I wrote a few papers. I made some amazing friends. I had amazing, silly nights along with the terribly depressing nights. I learned a lot about myself, other people, and...God. I'm so grateful for everything that happened over those 8 months, as crazy of a roller coaster ride as it was, I know it was exactly what God had in mind.

What I really wanted to talk about today though was something I've gotten to know about myself  recently. I never really realized this, but the closer you strive to be with God, the closer you see yourself in complete vulnerability and honesty.  I've been trying to move closer to Him and He's been letting me know all the thoughts in my head that have hurt my relationship with Him and all my friendships in general.

 For quite some time (starting before college), I would constantly make the joke that "I don't like people", even at the expense of saying it to some of my closest friends. They always assumed I was joking, and for a while I guess I did too. But the more I said it, the more it became a reality in my head. "Ugh, have to deal with another person today....I hate people." This pretty much became my altogether unhealthy mantra. 

...Which was probably not the best train of though to bring to college with you... But bring it I did.

But it didn't make sense because I loved the people I met, I loved the new friends I was gaining. But any time there was conflict...back I went to: "My life would be simpler if people weren't around." 

So 8 months went by...flash forward to the night I was leaving campus to go home for the summer. ('bout 2 weeks ago) A bunch of my friends from school came to say goodbye to me. And darn it all, wouldn't you know? I started sobbing as I was saying goodbye to them, because I think I had finally allowed myself to realize how important these people really were to me and I was going to miss them bunches. 

But what kept me from just acknowledging that fact in the first place? Quite a few things I think... probably a few thoughts thrown at me by the devil started it and my own emotions stirred it on.

First, I had decided that I am an introvert and introverts do not like people, therefore I could not like people.

Now, I'm actually at a point in my 18 year old life where I'm not entirely sure whether or not I'm an introvert or an extrovert. This has caused a massive mid-life crisis, but that's for another blog post. ;) But regardless, I'm still not entirely sure that I'm an introvert any more. And further more, introverts do not hate people, they just need alone time. So that was one excuse for me disliking people down the drain.

Another faulty argument of mine was that life would be easier if there were no other people. False. Because. Um. If there were no other people but me, there'd be nothing happening on Earth at all.. God put people on this earth for a reason. We need community. It may be hard to deal with people sometimes, but it'd be even harder to single-handedly fight off temptations without the love and support of our brothers and sisters in Christ. 

Finally... I think I allowed myself to believe I didn't like people because I was scared of getting hurt. If we don't like anything that likes us back, we'll be fine... right? If we never like a single human being, we'll be grand. We'll sit in our little hermitages and live solitary lives and nothing will ever hurt and everything will be just dandy. Who needs friends?!?!

What a sad little argument that my brain could come up with, but that was what I joked that I wished I could do sometimes. I didn't want to do it for any pious reason, mind you. I just... wanted to escape the world and all the hurts that people bring with them. 

But being alive means we're going to get hurt. It's a fact. Whether we're a cloistered nun or a mother of 12 we're all going to experience pain that comes because of other human beings. But you know what? That's ok. Because the pain is inevitable, yes. But do you know what else is inevitable? The joy that being with other human beings brings. The laughter that we share. The pain you can take from a friend by being there with them in times of need or when they do the same for you. The simple joys of knowing someone cares. The people who surround you who make you better people, who make you better lovers of God. 

Humans are the masterpieces of God. As much as we don't realize this, people are even more amazing than something like the seven wonders of the world could ever be. I learned 50 bajillion lessons from college this past year (academic and mostly otherwise :p). But I think one of the biggest lessons that God wanted to show me was that He made people and He made them "very good" and we are not supposed to take that for granted. Other people are not to be scoffed at or have their disappearance hoped for because they have faults. I have faults too. We're all broken. But when we're following our Creator, we can learn to see what God sees when He looks at us. He knows that we are not meant to cry out over and over again how much we dislike his beautiful creation.  He knows how much we need others in our lives, that's why they're here with us, after all--fighting the same battle, on the same side.

So to sum up this whole post... ---And for the record this is taking tons of courage to finally make this confession... ;)
 butttttt:

Dear world, 

I LIKE PEOPLE!  <3

Blessings,

~Paula(:

"To love another person is to see the face of God." ~ Les Mis

Vivere L'amore

Vivere L’amore.

 These words are written on the inside of my forearm at the moment…in pen.  That’s as close as I’ll ever get to a real tattoo. But even though I would never allow myself to ink it permanently on the outside, I’m working on allowing it to be permanently etched on my heart. “Live love” Not just, “Live and love” But live love, make it one and the same action. Make love your whole freaking being. I’m not trying to be just your little old hippy hipster living down the street right now. I just…wish I could live up to God’s call for my life, and I have to constantly remind myself because I always fall short.

Everything we are was meant to be given to God and to others. Our joy should come from serving, and opening our hearts to help take the pain away from the suffering. We all think our lives are so horrible and God is awful, and hiding His face from us. But maybe the reason we don’t feel God’s presence when we suffer is because we are so wrapped up in ourselves that our souls have no room to allow God in.

 I know that sounds cold. I know people who suffered more than I have in my life might scoff. But in the midst of suffering, if we can look outside ourselves and offer everything we have to others who are hurting, there will be no time to focus on our hurting. The only thing we will feel is joy because we know we are helping those in desperate need. We are loving; We will be living love.

Blessings,

Vivere l’amore,

~Paula(:

Fairy Tales

"Once upon a time..."

These words are almost as dangerous to the older female sect as they are fascinating to the younger.

When you're three, the words excite you.  You know that a story is a about to begin, and adventures are about to be revealed. You'll learn about pretty princesses in desperate situations, scary dragons to be slayed, and charming knights. These words open up a world of fantasy in your heart that lasts until the day you die. But once the age of pure imagination passes, and reality sets back in during the late teen years, all we learn to do is one of two extremes regarding fairy tales:

On the one hand, we all know those girls (and admit that we've been there too) who obsess over the "once upon a times" and "happily ever afters" that could happen in real life. It's not just a healthy wish for a happy ending, it's an all encompassing obsession that could lead to unhappiness later on down the road. It's a dream for a prince that is perfect. It's a hope for a life without any problems. It's an unrealistic set of expectations that will only bring misery.

On the other hand, there are the bitter girls who refuse to allow any sort of romantic dream seep into their lives. They think wishing for butterflies is a low only certain desperate girls could wish for. They think that if they even harbor just one though of wanting their lives to be anything like a fairy tale, then they're doomed to be trapped in a tower with an evil witch who won't ever let them out. (Figuratively of course.)

Both can be harmful. Both should be avoided. Let the fairy tales themselves be the guide. Don't make the mistake that God will send you a "perfect person" to be with. People are broken. Even the princes and knights have their issues in those fairy tales. They make mistakes. Don't ever think that life can't have magical moments in it either though. It's ok to hope for butterflies, and it's ok to hope for a "happily ever after". Just know that because this life is so darn crazy, that happily ever after probably won't come til we're standing with Jesus face to face. But that's ok too. We're going to have the dragons in this life to slay, but that charming prince? Yeah, there's just a possibility that he'll be standing there next to us helping us slay it. And that's the way real life fairy tales should work. You both working together to reach the goal. <3

Blessings,
~Paula(:

Happiness

                    It occurred to me this morning, after waking up on the wrong side of the bed, that I was not happy in the slightest.
                 
                   I'm a newly appointed member in the club of college freshman, and it has been one of the most up and down months of my entire life. I thought my moods could already change at the drop of the hat, being the emotional 18 year old girl that I am. But oh my word, I definitely had never experienced real mood swings til I stepped foot on this campus. I was absolutely ecstatic when I first got here. I was free. I was meeting kind people. I had new adventures to go on, and time to really learn how I deal with new things.  After the first crazy week of orientation though, school started. I had almost forgot college involved school. Tedious, grueling school. I'm not sure how it is at some colleges, but at mine, the workload has not let up for a second. It really set me off last week. Meltdowns were occurring left and right (for others too, not just me).  This week however, I had sort of acquired an apathetic nature toward the whole ordeal. Towards new friends, towards new interests (romantic, extracurricular, and whatever else goes on in the lives of freshies), and toward the Bs I've been getting (for a girl who's never gotten a B in a class in her life, getting Bs on all of the first few assignments has been a huge smack in the face, but I'm working on letting it be in the past.)

                       This morning when I woke though, I was a huge mess. I was grumpy. I was exhausted, and I was overwhelmed with the fact that my friendships, my grades, my crushes, my hopes, my dreams, all seemed to still be mysteries to me and I was left feeling helpless and frustrated. So all day I clammed up, not letting other people in, and certainly not listening to what other people needed. Finally my friend asked if I was alright, and I admitted that I wasn't. We were in the middle of the cafeteria though so when she asked what was wrong, I didn't feel like answering. I'm not even sure I could articulate what was wrong, because what was wrong was...well, everything.
                   Or at least, that was the thought I let myself employ in my head. But I got back to my dorm, started listening to music, worked on some school so I didn't have to feel totally unproductive, and drank coffee. Suddenly my eyes were opened. (It was either the Holy Spirit or the coffee, I'll let you be the judge.) Well, as open as they can be this side of Heaven. I've allowed the circumstances around me to dictate my mood. I've allowed them to creep into the depths of my heart and control me, instead of the other way around. I have become a slave to my situations and emotions. I haven't yet come to realize that boys who don't like me and a B on a quiz does not change the fact that I was made for a beautiful purpose. To love and be loved by God.
           This day I pray that God allows me to learn how to take the frustrating situations and annoyances of every day life, and deal with them in a healthy way. To acknowledge my weaknesses, but not indulge in them and throw a pity party. I pray that I not ignore the needs of others around me just because I feel like my world is crashing down around me. Because that is never true. Never, ever, ever. My world cannot crash down around me because Jesus is standing next to me holding it up, and holding me up too.

Happiness is found when we look towards the maker of it. So next time I wake up on the wrong side of the bed, I'll kneel on the other side and pray for the strength to find the constant joy we are all called to find.*