Welcome to Roma! ---The start of an adventure.

I've been in Roma, Italy for one week today.

It feels like 10 years have passed. 

I had never really been attached to a place before. I've loved places because of the people or things there, not for the sake of loving the place itself.  I can honestly say though, all cheesiness aside, I am in love with this city already.. I didn't think I was a city girl...I still don't think I am one. But there's something different about Roma that makes it feel like home more than any other city I've ever been to. 

Someone told me before I came, that Rome was a little on the grungy side for a European city. But that's pretty typical of cities...and yes, Rome has it's graffiti and cigarette filled streets, but there's a strange beauty in it. A beauty that other cities don't possess. Maybe it's just me being a wide eyed American saying this, but I really feel like this is such a special place. I'm sitting here on facebook on the same land that soldiers, saints and martyrs lived. The history is overwhelming and the Catholicism is at the center. As much as I love St. Patrick's in NYC, you find an equivalent church on every street corner here in Italia. I'm certain that is why this place feels so much like home. Because this city, at it's heart, has Christ residing.

 And as much as I've always claimed to dislike history, you can't ignore the complete and utter amazingness   of the history of this place. It just leaps out at you everywhere you go. We were all doing a typical 21st century activity (walking to a bar--ha)  and someone pointed out that we were passing the spot where Julius Caesar got stabbed.  So crazy.

I won't go into detail about all the things I've seen so far (if you want more details, you can always ask me more--I've been writing pretty much every single detail down...but I figured that wouldn't make for a very interesting blog post)  But I will talk about a few things I've seen...

First, St. Peter's....is absolutely gorgeous. St. Peter's is about a 5 minutes walk from where we're staying. I cannot believe that there are people here that have grown up next to that and it's nothing special to them anymore. Some of us had joked about grabbing little Italian children and telling them how absolutely lucky they are to grow up here. Probablyyy not the best idea... but seriously, that's how we feel!

The basilica is enormous. I haven't explored it all yet; I've only been in inside once so far.  But the ceiling reaches so high. There are beautiful pieces of art inside. (The pieta, for one) And there are mini chapels everywhere throughout. We went inside at 7am on Thursday...and this is the time before many people come..so it was fairly empty. And there are priests saying mass at almost every chapel. You can hear the different languages as you walk by and it is just an amazing representation of the universality of the Church. 

Another thing I want to talk about is just the Roman streets and people themselves. I've explored a little on my own the past few days (for any parentals of mine that happen to be reading this---don't worry, during the day :p) The colors of the buildings themselves put me in such a joyful mood. There are yellows and beiges and oranges and most of the buildings jut out towards the streets giving everything a more village-like feel. There are dainty restaurants, shops filled with beautiful things, cheap souvenir shops, and street vendors everywhere you turn. I'm still working on figuring out how you can just tell who's an Italian and who's a tourist...but somehow, you just kind of know. The  Italian women always seem to be put together and I don't mean this in a negative way, but they have a colder look usually. And the men...well... no offense to American men, dress a heck of a lot better over here.  It's a little embarrassing how easy it is for them to pick out Americans too though. You'll walk by a vendor without having let your American secret out by speaking English, and they'll still start talking to you in English anyway...Although, someone did think I was Italian last week and was really surprised when I told them I was American. Highlight right there.

Oh, and I've had some school too already here. Can't forget about that part. ;) We're taking an art/architecture class, humanities, poetics, and theology. It's all going to tie right back into this whole Rome experience and I'm really excited about them! (Although homework is slightly a depressing prospect)

A few more things I've noticed: 

---Personal space? Not really a thing here. You'll be walking on the sidewalk and where in America, people will walk a good few feet to avoid the person walking next to them, here everyone moves about a centimeter away.  

---If a car's coming and you want to cross the street... If you're legit Roman.. you start walking anyway. Haven't quite gotten to that level of legitimacy yet. (This is more of a city thing than a Rome thing, but they're even more aggressive about it than I've seen at other places) 

---If it's raining, there will be an umbrella vendor every 2 feet--- so have no fear! 

---I know you can't buy happiness... but you can buy gelato and cappuccinos.. close enough. 

Anyway, as you can see... a lot can happen in a week. In the words of the director of our study abroad program: Rome...will change you, but it is up to you to decide if it is for the better or for the worse. Heavy words to remember. 

It's only been a week and I can already see my heart changing because of this place. I'll be praying that my growth is towards the good. If you've read this much with me, I thank you . :) Let me know if you have any prayer requests and please keep me in all of your prayers too! 

Ciao,

~Paula(:

The 5 Stages of Finals

The 5 stages of Finals

I have come to the conclusion today that college students during finals week go through their own version of the 5 stages of grief and loss: 

1.  Denial and Isolation— One ignores reality and hides from others. Example: “I’ve got like 3 days bro… Plenty of time…and who needs to study when I’ve got netflix to watch in my room???”

2. Anger— Anger at self and others.. Example: “WHY DIDN’T I STUDY SOONER?!?!?” “WHY AM I SO STUPID?!??” “WHY DIDN’T YOUUUUUU MAKE ME STUDY?!?!?” “ASAGDHDGHKJSHGDHJKLHSGAJKSGKAJS”

3. Bargaining— Trying to bargain with God or others or yourself to get it to work out. Example: “Ok God, if I pass this final…. I’ll be a nun. Well… maybe not. But JUST HELP ME PASS PLEASE OH PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF YOU” 

4.Depression: Falling into a funk because of finals. Example: “I’m just gonna sit on my bed and cry. Life. What is life. What is study. Who am I? Why do I pay for this torture? I just want to cry foreevvverrrrrr and eat doritos. Mmmm doritos… time to gain 50 pounds. Time to sleep. Time to sob. I WANT MY MOMMMYYYY”

5. Acceptance.  One has come to terms with the looming final and buckles down to study. Example: “Well now that the test is in an hour. Better start studying. Whatever happens, happens. Life goes on. Bring it test. BOOYEA….hakuna matata” 

And then after all the craziness… you will look back on your life and realize that this too passed and you survived and life was happy once again. ;) 

Blessings,

~Paula

Source:http://psychcentral.com/lib/the-5-stages-of-loss-and-grief

We are loved more than we will ever know

I am not perfect.

I am not perfect.

I am not perfect.

And neither is anyone else in this world. 

But you know what? I am loved. And so are you. 

We are loved more than we will ever know. 

Christ knows how hard this life thing is. 

He experienced the brokenness of the world in a more full way than any of us could ever imagine.

I think we all go through the delusion of thinking that everyone else has this life figured out besides us. We think we forgot to make that right turn somewhere along the way that got everyone to happiness street but us. 

But ask anyone if they think they have their life together and you'll probably get most people saying they don't. And if anyone answers with a resounding: "yes, I have my life perfectly together."...I'd start to question their sanity just slightly. Even those who legitimately have found a  very good balance in their life recognize that life is hard. And usually it is these people who  recognize even more that they have a need for help...from God, from family, and from others. 

We all experience little annoyances. We all experience pain. We all experience hurt. We all know what it's like to collapse into tears because we just couldn't hold it in any longer. We may showcase it in different ways, but we all are broken people. It's just a fact, thanks to the fall. But that's a beautiful fact if we look at it from the right perspective.  This brokenness that we all experience on a day to day basis allows us to recognize that we are all part of a beautiful humanity. And in a deeper way, we are all part of the body of Christ and He experiences all of our brokenness with us. And with our hearts set on Him, we can hope for that one day those tears will be turned into joy.

But don't worry that you aren't perfect. No one is, as much as they might try to convince otherwise. Yes, we are called to be perfect as our Heavenly Father is perfect...but He is helping us every step of the way. He knows it is a journey. A beautiful beautiful journey. 

God does not call the equipped...He equips the called. 

Blessings,

~Paula

An open letter to all girls:

Dear girls of this society,

 I would just like to say… that I am so so sorry. I’m sorry for all the lies you have been told by this world. I’m sorry for all the hurt that you have experienced. I’m sorry that life has pushed you to a point of utter confusion. I think so much of this confusion comes from girls not recognizing where their true worth actually comes from. We were not made to be scared, dependent, broken or unhappy little weak creatures. We were made to be bold, joyful, strong, beautiful, and whole. We must recognize where our true worth comes from to become all that we were made to be.

               First, we have to realize that our worth does not come from things. I know this sounds obvious to most. But just take a second and think about a few things. How much does your mood change depending on if you like an outfit you put on in the morning or not? Personally, I get frustrated at my morning self’s pick of an outfit when I’m groggily picking something out to wear before my 8:15 class. Does that happen to you? Do you ever define yourself by your style? Do you classify yourself by abstract things like “writer”, “emotional”, “wild”, or anything like that? We think we are what we look like or we are what we act like. We think that defines us. We think if we didn’t have a cell phone, no one would be able to find us, so no one would ever talk to us, so no one would love us, so therefore we will die old maids and will not be worth anything to anybody. Yep, I know you have at least subconsciously had those thoughts if you’ve ever had a broken phone. Things are easy to fill our lives with, the simplest to let define us. But we need to stand above all that. We need to detach ourselves from the physical objects, at least emotionally. And from the abstract things? As cliché as it sounds, don’t let the words of others (or in some cases, the words coming from yourself) make you feel inferior or superior. If your feelings of worth in this life change based on what other people say about you then you’re never going to be content with yourself. I know a secret that every girl needs to know: Your worth stays the same, regardless of the clothes that you choose to put on that day or the daily opinions of others.

Secondly, your worth does not come from other people. We all know that girls tend to bounce from one friendship or relationship to the next, especially when they have been hurt. We do this in the hope that at some point the emptiness will be filled by another person.  Well, as many broken girls can tell you, that isn’t much of a solution. We do this even if we haven’t been hurt too. We run to tell our stories to our friends and can’t make decisions without others' input. But the more we seek fulfillment in other people, the more we realize how broken others are and how we need to be seeking something outside this crazy world to fill our longing hearts. This doesn’t just apply in the extremes in life either. It goes for the girls that make their best friends their everything. As much as we desperately need community with other strong girls, there are some things that should be saved for our daily conversations in the chapel. We need to rise up and recognize that to be whole we need a healthy dose of independence from other people. Occasionally, it’s good to try something new, without the same group of people you always do things with. And don’t fall into the female jealousy trap. When others do things without you, it usually is not meant to be a slap in the face. It is our scared little girl that is left in our hearts that makes us hate when we feel left out. But actually, sometimes being left out is a beautiful occurrence that lets people recognize that depending on people is not the way to live a healthy life. Sometimes being slighted by other people is a good thing for us, a blessing almost. And as I stated earlier, girls tend to make decisions based on others. Having a few good friends who you trust is beautiful. Not being able to make decisions on your own or not being able to go places by yourself though… is a distortion. We need community, yes. But overly abundant attachment to anyone is a good way to fall, headfirst, in the wrong direction.

So where does true worth come from then? We don’t get it from things; we don’t get it from people. We get it from God. He made us. We are His princesses. We need to dive into His love to become what we were made to be.  If we stop clinging to the objects and people in our lives so tightly, our hands will be empty to be filled with the hands of the Savior. When we rest in Him, he guides us in everything. He listens to every hurt better than any human. He fills every void better than every relationship. He brings more joy than any Instagram picture on your cell ever could. He gives us our worth and is crying out for every one of His beautiful daughters to turn back to Him to find out what true happiness is. We can only learn this if we stop holding on so tightly to the broken things of this world and go running back into the arms of the one who longs to bring our hearts joy.

Blessings,

~Paula

Sparrow

Sparrow, fly out into the open

Sparrow, you have new life to find

Don’t hide your heart

The maker sees and knows

The world you wish to fly to

The hope that everything will rise

Sparrow, the blue skies call

Sparrow, the girl can see you

Fly higher just to show your beauty

The maker gave it to you

Don’t leave without a grateful thought

Sparrow, you don’t need to cry

There are things that break others

But you still fly on and better

Knowing the maker cares

Knowing the maker cares.

Keep Breathing

You know that thing that's really bothering you right now? That thing you can't get off your mind? That worry that won't leave your heart and mind alone? Let it go. Just let the thought go. Right now. Just for a second. And breathe. Breathe in...and out.  And pray:  "Lord, if I can let this go for that one second by my own actions, I know that with YOUR help, I can let it go completely."

Peace. Nobody really has much of it anymore. Why? Well, we allow the constant stream of everyday problems along with the mind boggling amount of meaningless social media to attack us every waking moment.  And we let ourselves seep in it. Enjoy it even . Someone has a problem? If we don't know them well, we might talk to other people about it, gossiping or just searching for answers. If we do know them well, we might not talk about it much...if you're a fellow introvert with the author, you might just let the worry sit in your mind and weigh you down. Or you might speak about it to other people, but then it's weighing them down along with you.

No one really tries to pray these days. No one really wants silence. Because both are scary.
If you pray, God might ask you change. If you sit in silence, you might figure out that answer about something that you've really been hoping to avoid.

Dwelling on problems and wallowing in that grief or anxiety is WAY easier than doing what God might be calling you to do to actually DEAL with that problem. Allowing distractions into your life also helps you miss what you're supposed to be seeing.
If it's a problem with another person, it's easier to grumble about it than to actually recognize that you're called to treat that person like Christ too. If you're trying to make a decision, you're not going to get an answer by mass texting your whole contact list. I promise. At the end of the day, you need silence to pray and prayer to hear.

It's so hard to remember but God really does have bigger and better things in store for us than we could ever imagine. He gives us the peace and hope we're craving, if we'll just ask.
So take some time out before this whole school years starts up...and turn off the phone, sign out of facebook, stop dwelling on your problems and hoping it will give you answers or consolement. Give it all up to God in the silence. Because His story for you is a beautiful one. But if you drown out the plot with constant chatter, worries, technology and noise, you'll miss the whole section of the plot that you're supposed to be in.

And yes this is a cheesy post, brought to you by the fact I am leaving for my sophomore year in 8 days and nostalgia about leaving has officially hit. ;)

He has a plan. Keep breathing, keep smiling, and keep praying.

Blessings,
~Paula

"Let me hear what God the Lord will speak, for he will speak peace to his people, to his saints, to those who turn to him in their hearts." -Psalm 85:8

"But all that I know is I'm breathing.
All I can do is keep breathing.All we can do is keep breathing now." 
~Ingrid Michaelson

Time is a crazy thing

So just so you know, the best time to write a blog post is when you have a paper due in a few hours... at least that's what my brain thinks. :)
Woooo for procrastination! (Haaha ironic because of this blog topic...) Anyways, let's talk about summer and time, shall we?
At first, the hundreds of hours that we have in our freed-from-school lives seems like they could go on forever. But as we all know, time never quite works the way we want it to. For example, the last time I wrote on this blog was longer than a month ago...on one hand it seems like 10 years ago and on the other hand it legitimately feels like yesterday when I wrote that last post. I know you've all had experiences like that.
Time is always weird and always relative.
Summer just makes it 10 times worse because all the time available is less structured. And even if you have a super tightly structured job to get to everyday, you still have free time that you don't have to spend writing a paper or studying like you do in the school year when you're done with work. (Unless you're me and thought it was a good idea to take Philosophy over the summer for some unknown reason... )

What do YOU do with your free time?
It's almost dangerous.
I'm starting to realize that the days that I sit around watching Netflix are not only not helping me grow in any way, that time wasted is actually making me go backwards. Time is so so very precious and if we let time slip through our fingers mindlessly we're missing out on so many opportunities, so many chance to grow, and so many openings for learning. I've noticed the days I've take advantage of the time available to me in Godly, productive ways have been some of the most content days I've had this summer. I definitely feel growth when I use that extra 20 minutes to read the Bible or pray the rosary instead of staring at Pinterest like a zombie. And when I stare at Pinterest for that 20 minutes...well I definitely do feel like an empty zombie, and I definitely don't feel like I'm becoming the woman God wants me to be.

I'm not saying we shouldn't take advantages of all the amusing activities we have available to us now to relax and have simple fun...but we shouldn't let our weeks go without a second thought of where our time goes. If we waste the gift of time this summer, we shouldn't be surprised when we're less of the person we wanted to be by the time the new school year starts. We should learn to take advantage of this time to grow...in a strange way the summers between college semesters are just, if not more, as important as the semesters themselves. Most of us aren't taking classes for our majors over the summer, you're right. But we are coming home to the people we love who we have to get readjusted to. We have to re-learn how to listen to our parents wishes in a gracious and grown-up way. We have to learn to use our time even MORE wisely because we have so much more time available to us. (One can only hope we all can learn to use our time more wisely than freshman... let me tell you, I think pretty much anyone could be wiser than  I was last year about time management.) We have to work. We have to make sure we're making Christ the center of everything, and doing what He wants for us over this break from school (and sometimes it's a  chance to have a break from the real world too before we graduate... but that doesn't mean a break from God's wishes). It's hard to use our time in the right way. It's hard to not go to either extreme: lying in bed all day versus guilt tripping anyone who doesn't get to daily mass.  We all have different battles to face this summer. But if you remember anything, remember that we only get a certain amount of time on this earth...and I bet that on your deathbed you're not going to say how much you wished you spent more time online... you're going to wish you had lived life to the fullest. And hopefully you and I will be able to say we did.  It's gonna take effort, but it's going to be worth it. Promise.
Now...excuse me as I go attempt to write that paper. Philosophy papers should be good for growing into the person I was made to be, right? That's what I keep telling myself. ;)

I hope you all have amazing summers.

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly." ~ John 10:10

"When a man sits with a pretty girl for an hour, it seems like a minute. But let him sit on a hot stove for a minute - and it's longer than any hour. That's relativity." ~Albert Einstein



Blessings,
~Paula(: